The concept of haters came about in recent years as a way to describe people who are an enemy, wish bad on you, dislike you, is critical, wants to tear you down, and/or is negative towards you. These negative feelings or actions are usually for no valid reason. The main point is that the dislike is usually a result of how well a person is doing or progressing. You accomplish a goal, and the result is a hater having something negative to say. The hate is usually from an unhappy, toxic, negative, jealous, mean, and/or hateful person.
There are definitely haters in this world. There always have been, this is just a new way of saying it. Jesus had haters! That is the actual physical reason he was crucified. The spiritual reason was because He was our savior and destined to die on the cross for our sins, but the actual human reason was because of the Pharisees and their fear of the message He was spreading. They determined he violated the law, and sentenced Him to death. They displayed the ultimate form of hate.
Most of us will have haters at some point in our lifetime. We will have someone that does not like us, not because of something that we did wrong, but because of something that we are doing right. Get a promotion at work, and the response is “who does she think she is,” get a new car and you hear “that *bleep thinks she is all that,” get engaged to be married and someone says “why is he marrying her.” There is always somebody waiting in the wind to rain on your parade.
I have experienced haters, and I still do to this day. I have had people say negative things about me my entire life. I have some haters now, some may even be reading this blog, because some haters like to keep an eye on what you are doing! They may say “who does she think she is,” “that word is mis-spelled, guess she isn’t so perfect after all” or “why would anybody listen to her, look at her past, how can she help anybody.” It just comes with the territory.
So, what is the solution? I am all about solutions. What is the best way to handle haters? I have a few suggestions.
1. Father forgive them, for they know not what they do – These were Jesus’ words. He is our ultimate example. Forgiveness is a powerful tool. A person does not have to acknowledge their wrong in order for you to forgive them. They also do not have to deserve forgiveness. Forgiveness frees you, not them. How many times have we heard stories about someone holding on to hurt about someone or something, and that person 1) may not even know it, or 2) they know and could care less. They have moved on with their life, and you are stuck with this baggage. Forgiveness allows you to let it go and move on in peace. As for the “they know not what they do” let me explain. The person hating on you could be doing the work of the enemy and not even realize it. They may not be aware of what they are doing! Jesus had the ultimate insight, so He knew they didn’t know. But even for us, if you have some insight, intuition, and wisdom you may see that the person giving you problems does not even understand what they are doing. That’s where forgiveness comes in, forgive them and move on.
2. Energy – I have become convinced that energy is one of the most powerful forces on earth, actually some people would say it is “The Force.” What energy are you giving off? What if the problem is not the “haters,” but YOU! I have a very strong and powerful energy, I wasn’t always aware of that. I grew into it. It was always there, but I didn’t know it. Years ago, I discovered the knowledge that not only do we have energy, but we can control it. That changed my life. I am very deliberate now in the energy that I put out into the world. I purposely give off a positive energy that is founded in love, as a result, that is the energy that I receive back most of the time. I have a lot of love in my life. I receive love from my family, friends, co-workers, clients, associates, store workers, even strangers. My energy draws the best out of people, I know that now. My energy is so strong, that I even get positivity from enemies lol…..I swear! I have run into people from my past that we previously had some kind of drama or negative situation, and I received a positive response from them. I remember about 10 years ago, I ran into an old boyfriend at the grocery store. I had not seen him in years, and he had been talking about how he was going to go off on me when he saw me, he had even threatened me at one point. When we locked eyes in the grocery aisle, he looked at me for like an entire minute before he said something. Then he came over and hugged me. He asked how I was doing, I said fine. He said yes, I see that, you are a different person. I said yes I am. He looked at me again, confused. Then he walked away shaking his head. Why did he do that, because my positive energy was so strong, that those negative thoughts and plans he had were subdued. This has happened to me on several occasions, with both men and women that I had some kind of previous altercation with. So, the question I want you to ponder is what energy are you exhibiting? Are you drawing hate and negativity into your life? This isn’t blaming the victim. You may legitimately have haters. But if your life is flooded with haters, enemies, and drama, the problem could be you.
3. Motivation – Using haters as motivation is TI’s advice lol! TI is one of my favorite rappers, and this blog post is an extension of his song “Motivation.” I love that song and listen to it regularly. As he describes, haters actually have a job, and that is to hate! Yes, that’s right. Everyone has a role, and they are playing their role. They are doing their job, now you do yours, and that is to stay focused. Stay focused on your goals, dreams, aspirations, and plans. Everything they say you can’t do…..do it! When they say you can’t make it…..make it! What they say you can’t have…..have it! Do it better than they could ever imagine. Now here is a little tough love for you. With the women that I Coach, they spend wayyyyy to much time focusing on the problem. They will talk your ear off about the person that is giving them problems, or whatever the current issue is. But then when we talk about the solution you can barely get a peep out of them. Sometimes their eyes glaze over; and usually the conversation goes right back to the problem. You have to learn to focus on the solution, not the problem (which is also a previous blog post). Don’t focus on the hater, when you do that you are giving them your energy, which should be used for your goals. Use them as motivation and that is all.
Have you ever heard the saying that life is only 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it? I have found this to be true. We all have problems, and one of those problems is haters. Respond accordingly and keep it moving. Ladies, stay focused. If you do not have your life in order, then you should not be focused on people who don’t like you. I have come a long way, but I still have a long way to go. I have a long list of goals that I am working to achieve, and an enemy is nowhere on that list. Like Jay Z says, I have 99 problems and a bitch ain’t one! I love you all…..yes, even my haters! Keep playing your role and I will keep working hard and advancing! Until next week, stay strong.