My former Pastor told me years ago that all I had was a Mony, and if I didn’t change I would never get to my Testimony.  This may sound harsh, but it was true.  Today I have a Testimony!  So, I share this advice with you all.  If all you are doing is whining, moaning, and complaining you will never come out of it.  In order to move forward you have to DO SOMETHING!  Give it to God…Yes! But what is your part?  Is there a habit you need to let go of?  Do you need to leave a toxic relationship?  Do you need to seek new employment?  Go back to school?  Get counseling?  Even when we have legitimate trauma, we have to make a decision to move forward.

One of the things I was facing back when my former Pastor told me this was the death of my first child.  Many of you have legitimate losses too.  Abuse, betrayals, death of a loved one, abandonment, taken advantage of, and loss of a job just to name a few.  Get your healing, deliverance, counseling if you need it, read God’s Word, and Pray.  But the key is to MOVE forward.  Move out of the trauma, hurt, and pain.  If you choose to stay there you will be a victim your entire life.  I am convinced some people like being a victim.  They enjoy telling that same story over and over and the sympathy they receive.  Especially when that sympathy is connected to resources and handouts.

Some people also like staying stuck in pain because they are comfortable in that place.  Yes, as crazy as it sounds, pain can be comfortable.  If someone has been telling that same sob story for 20 years and have been operating in that mode, it is comfortable for them.  Anger too.  Staying angry can be comfortable.  The day could be filled with balloons, bubblegum, and unicorns, and an angry person will find something wrong.  You can’t please them. 

It has to be your WILL to want to be delivered and set free.  Do you want a Mony?  Or do you want a Testimony?  Now don’t get me wrong, it is very hard to move past trauma and pain.  Personally speaking it was hard for me.  I think the difference for me was that I was never comfortable there.  I didn’t like being down and having a Mony.  I hated it actually.  I knew that I wanted a good life and it was torture for me to be stuck.

Let me add that there is nothing wrong with telling your story and expressing what you have been through.  I don’t want you to get the impression that you should never talk about what you have been through.  For two good reasons.  First, if you do not get it out, then that will also keep you stuck.  There are people walking around in pain, because they have it trapped inside of them.  Abuse they have never spoken of.  Betrayal that they buried.  Loss that is in their heart.  You have to get it out to heal.  It is like covering a bad wound.  The wound has to breath to heal.  If you keep it covered it will become infected and may spread over your entire body and poison your system.  I see people in my work as a Social Worker everyday who are covered with internal wounds.  Their insides are sick, and as a result they have a sick life.

Second, it is good to discuss your story to help others.  When we share our testimony, it displays what God can do.  It encourages people.  It says if I can do it, you can do it.  But notice I said share your “Testimony.”  That implies that you are sharing what you have been through and how you came out of it.  In politics there is a concept called “framing.”  Framing is about HOW you tell your story.  Do you tell it from the perspective of a woe-is-me Mony?  Or as a triumphant Testimony?  More importantly, it is about how you LIVE IT!  How are you living?  A Mony life, or a life of victory?! 

Let me also acknowledge that your wounds may still be fresh.  I am speaking as a person that is years out of the fire.  When you are in the midst of going through a challenge, or just came out of one, that is a delicate state to be in.  Your wound is still fresh.  Take the time to go through the pain.  That has its place too.  But, the key is to not get stuck there!  You can look up and it will be 10 years later and you will STILL be in that place.  Chasing that same man or woman that has moved on, still talking about how that job did you wrong, still talking about how your family wasn’t there for you…..still, still, still. 

By year 10 to be completely honest, no one even cares anymore.  Not that it isn’t legitimate, but you wear people out by telling that same story.  Bringing something up sometimes, and at an appropriate time, is different that repeating the same stories over and over consistently, and in a draining way.  If you are not careful, you can connect your soul to a trauma, and you BECOME that thing.  So, then you become a lifelong victim, and not a person who discusses their challenges effectively.

Lastly, another benefit of moving past the pain is to get to your blessing.  That job may have treated you unfairly, but there is a great new job waiting for you.  Your family may not have been there for you, but you can create your own family through marriage, children, church, social groups, and friends.  That man or woman may have mistreated you, cheated on you, broke promises, and left you.  But God has a new mate waiting that will love you and treat you right. 

If you do not move past the Mony, you will never reach your Testimony and all of the amazing things that are waiting for you on the other side.  I want to see you get to your blessings, your purpose, your Testimony.   

Love, Tonia